The Good Life

 It's A Good Life

Life can be a pretty weird bundle of experiences and emotions.  

Do we ever get every area of our lives right? Somehow to me it feels like I have always been lucky in love, I’ve been lucky in love from every angle of my relationships with people, good friends, good people, a good man that I love dearly. It’s the other career areas of my life that confuse me and make me constantly question myself.

Here are some of the questions that are relentlessly come up in my mind, tell me now if any of these are familiar to you

'Am I doing my best with what I have?'

'Am I ever going to get my shit together and stabilize my life, have more money and have a proper defined career?'

'What will my future look like, what will I be 5 years from now?'

And yeahhh of course this one

'What the fuck am I doing?'

So I just want to reflect a little on that question, the one that is ‘What will I be doing 5 years from now’ because sometimes this one scares me, I think some other friends of mine may be confused sometimes about their future too… I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.. it could be one of those awkward moments where you admit something hoping to get the other affirmations to find that you are alone. Oh yeah should I mention now,  there is nothing wrong with being alone, in aloneness you will find time to reflect, you can figure out the most important things about the most important person in YOUR life…and of course that would be YOU.

5 years ago, I was working on opening CE in Serbia, actually it had just started, 5 years ago today it might have been open for a couple months. It was running smoothly and was a beautiful hive of activity. 5 years ago my life was different, 5 years ago I was different. When I reflect on the adventures that the last 5 years have brought me, when I see that choosing to live my life in this way (though sometimes it does not seem so much of a choice but a driving force), So much has changed, when I think of this I realise that anything can happen. You can change anything and create anything in any amount of time, it’s a matter of what we want and what we dream and what we want to create, hard work, faith and perseverance.

You know something about me, I am never satisfied. I am never ever going to be able to look at myself and think 'Anna... you are there... you are where you want to be'. I am always going to be one of those people that just can't settle down, settle up, settle for anything, settle at all... Sometimes i feel like taking myself by the shoulders and shouting 'WHAT DO YOU WANT??'
In all of this I take time now to appreciate the journey so far and to calm my questioning, unforgiving mind and admit to myself its a pretty good life.

Life in Graz… its pretty fucking lovely. Working with the crew from CE, it has its challenges for me personally, but that is part of life, what would it be with challenges and struggles. I have jobs that I love, I have people that I love.. damn it.. I have love. I am always going to be this person that leads from the heart. It bothers me sometimes when I see that my projects may create an impact but I still scrape by, saving for my rent and for the things I want. Do I need to make a choice to live either for what I want or to pursue stability? There must be a better way, a way for all those things to find their place; it’s my mission now to find that way.

But if not, if I cannot ever earn anything from CE, if I do end up sweeping streets or cleaning toilets, I will be happy doing it, I know I will.. I know whatever I do, wherever I am, whoever I find myself around… I may have struggles, I will always fight for what I want… but I know I will be happy.. Because above all else that is what I pursue, that is who I am and that is what I want….

What do you all think about this? Would you pursue love and happiness over material stability? And also… can you have both?

I also don’t feel I need much material stuff at all, it’s only when I look around me and see what others have got that I start to feel inadequate, so maybe the solution is.. less looking around and more looking inside.

There are so many good things to think about to appreciate.

1.       I am the lucky soul that gets to cycle as one of my jobs. Maybe I never really wrote in a proper post that Pink Pedals is a super lovely place to work. Bike messengering has made me proud, happy and strong. For one I get to wake up and get on my bike.. and know that I am not just riding to work, I am riding for work. Also this job has challenged me, and in challenging me has made me see that I can succeed when I try. It was tough for me to get acquainted closely with the streets of Graz, but now I feel like I know them like a dear friend, some days we are not quite in sync.. but when we are, we are very, very good friends.

2.       I live with some pretty amazing people in a super lovely apartment in a city that I always wanted to live in. 4 years ago I hitchhiked to Graz with Sanja (crazy artist lady), on arriving in the city we wandered up and down the streets, met amazing people and fell in love with the place… we always said one day we would love to live here. That day is today… and it is just a wonderful place to live your life, or at least a part of it.

3.       I met a real soulmate here In Graz, I guess everyone knows I am totally in love with this person. Saying he’s my boyfriend does not even get close to describing how sweet and deep this relationship is. We have so many things in common and have already had so many adventures together.

4.       CE is my own little baby, I can put ideas and creativity into the space and know that its mine.

It’s a good life, really it is, and if I ever complain, I will reread this post and remember… It really is a good life.