THANKSGIVING

At this time of year a couple of big memories spring to mind.

 It’s hard to not get nostalgic if I think back to the different years. November always was a special time, it seemed that something life changing was always going on and this year is no different, there are plenty of things that are today stirring my soul. I know that years from now I will also look back on this November and remember some pretty cool things. 

 Today I realized its exactly one year since I started cycling in Asia from Bangkok to Cambodia. Situations like this, of facing the unknown and doing crazy and brave things are always leaving a firm imprint on my life and memories. This is because I am such an emotional person, in times like this my emotions are so strong that the thought of them can bring the same feelings back. Even now as I look back and remember myself starting to cycling alone in a strange country, I feel a lump in my throat because I remember that emotion I had when I started. I held back tears and told myself ‘One day it will be one year from now, I will look back and it will just be something I have done, I just have to do it’. Today is that day.  I am so grateful for all the things I went through alone on this trip. It would not have been the same with someone else beside me to take my fears away or share them with. I know that I needed to face some things totally alone, to know what I was capable on my own, to see myself as I am, without anything to support my ego or image, my self-creation of who I am or was. I was alone, no one knew me, I was nothing, I had to stand on my own and use only the resources within myself to find the bravery to keep going… and I did. Despite all my moments of weakness and everything I am not… I think on this trip I discovered something that I am, brave, determined, and not afraid of fear. Does that makes any sense?… I know fear, I have it, I have felt it so strong, but I am not afraid of feeling it, I want to feel it, I want to face it… I want to experience it, and most importantly, I don’t let it stop me. 

Also thinking back even a bit more, November is special to me because the CE team. By this I mean everyone who made the team in lots of different phases. One tradition we had since I first came to Serbia was continued through the years at CE wast that ee would always celebrate a Thanksgiving dinner and party together. Even though we were not American and were not religious, it was a celebration of all the good things that have happened in the year. It was always a very sweet and fun event, everyone used to go around in a circle and say the 5 things they were grateful for that year. It was a lovely tradition and something that helped build the CE staff into the lovely community that they were. I often look back fondly on those great guys that made CE so lovely and on the special time in our lives that we shared. I am most certainly very thankful  for them and for the life that I lived in Serbia,  it was such an amazing collection of weird and wonderful experiences. 

When I moved to Graz I had this feeling like I hadn’t made many close friends, I was working all the time at very intense and draining jobs, and I hardly had time to invest at all in any kind of relationships. I used to look back and get sad thinking about the community and the role I played in it back in Serbia. I wondered if I would ever have that again or if I just got really lucky to be surrounded by sweet people, love and happiness. Things here changed, I didn’t have the old CE crew and staff to build a close community with, it just wasn’t the same at all. But slowly the community started to build, the people who I lived with and the friends I made became my community. I grew closer with the guys from the Pink Pedals,  the customers and regulars at CE became dear to me, and the guys in my apartment are like family to me. I see how important it is to surround yourself with an environment that builds love and community. I also learnt how it doesn’t happen instantly, everything takes time, but be patient with it, it will come. I honestly believe that there is love and friendships and wonderful people in every corner of the world. I think one of my skills is that I am able to really bring people together, I love people genuinely and I want to be close to them, I need it. I have lived now in 3 countries for some amount of time, in every place I build up a group of people who I love and who loved me, this is something in my life that I am really satisfied with. You need to find your people, your tribe, your group of jungle bums that make you happy and bring joy to your life.

 I have some friends who have moved to foreign countries and don’t feel at home there, they have struggled to make deeper friendships and get this community feeling. I think the key in this is simple… don’t be an ex-pat… you’re not a foreigner invading their culture with your own.. be one of them. When I lived in Serbia, I really felt Serbian, at least i lived the reality of some Serbian people. I lived in a cute little house, I had no money, I tried to learn the language, I shopped in the same places, ate the same food, went to the same concerts, smoked hundreds of cigarettes, and drank Jelen pivo and Zajcarsko with absolutely no complaint. I struggled hard there to keep my business going, I got super depressed… I understood the people there, I understood my friends, I loved them, I loved the culture, I loved the food, I loved the parents and the grandma’s, and with all of this they accepted me too, they welcomed me into their sweet little homes with open arms, they fed me at their tables and treated me like their own… 

 Here are my top 5 tips for getting integrated into a new country.

1.       Don’t hang out only with other foreigners, spend time and make friendships with people from the country you are living in. They will bring to life for you all the beauties of your new home. You may have a lot in common with other expats and people who have travelled abroad, but you will also have that with local people.

2.       Learn the language, invest time and energy in understanding and learning, even though I don’t feel particularly talented in German or Serbian, I am so happy that I understand a bit and invest in studying. Not only is it fascinating and fun but it’s really helping to understand the culture and humour.  

3.       Don’t judge what you don’t understand. People from all over the world have had such different experiences; many tough things in a country’s background can create mentalities and behaviour that you don’t understand. Don’t judge, accept and realise that everyone has their own story, their reason for why they are they way they are. I loved Slavenka Drakulic’s book ‘How we survived communism and even laughed’. It was stories about communist Yugoslavia and shared lots of humorous and sad moments, it came to life for me because so much of it reminded me of my friends and the strong people I met in Serbia who had lived tough such tough and difficult times.

4.       Get involved and interested in all age-groups. I loved the grandma’s in Serbia, I loved my friends’ parents. Talking with them the little I could and seeing their lives was so fascinating for me. I always had a special place in my heart for these quaint and strong older women from ex-Yugoslavia, especially after I stayed with some of them while travelling, and understood some of their stories. Getting acquainted with the older age group was a source of much joy for me

5.       Do as they do… As I said before, try to live as a local if you want to be really accepted.. and most importantly put yourself out there. If you love genuinely and without prejudices… I promise you, you will be accepted, they will welcome you with open arms and like me, you will make true friendships that will last for life. 

Its Thanksgiving time rolling in again, and me and my flatmates will host a thanksgiving dinner, just like we used to do in Serbia. Different country, different people, different lifestyle and customs.. but the same feeling… contentment, happiness and gratitude. I am so happy to have shared different parts of my life with really wonderful people and I know that I will continue to do so.