The Random Collection of Graz thoughts.... 

The very trendy and fashionable look these days for us is covered in sawdust and paint… Yep… building phase in Graz is in full swing. I have to admit I fully enjoy being very dirty with an excuse.. such as… I've been painting all day or sanding down endless planks of wood. The building part of Graz has been tiring but a wonderful team experience and full of new things to learn.

Even though many people tell me that it must be easier to open this one after having already done the one in Serbia, I have to tell you that the feeling and experience is completely different. I do feel less stressed, I have different challenges, but they are still there. Some things do seem to be easier.. but most of the time I have to describe it as different. I remember one scene from ‘Narnia’, Lucy is asking Aslan why he didn't come to save them this time.. and he says ‘Nothing ever happens the same way twice’. It is exactly like that.

I can’t fully describe to you the terrible pain I felt when we were in the month of opening our first place in Novi Sad, anyone who knew me at that time can tell you.. I was a complete disaster. I still am a disaster.. I am just not crying as much (maybe I got used to that feeling). I remember the very intense pain of feeling like I was the useless piece on the team… like I just couldn't do anything right. So many things went wrong, I was also very unsure of the success of CE. I think my biggest fear was that no one would come, that we would just close without even having a single customer… fear is a fictional story we tell ourselves.

This time round I feel much more positive about my input into the CE here, I have not actually screwed up too badly yet (there is plenty of time for that still). I do feel  more unity with the team and a genuine sense of partnership, which I hadn't felt as strongly on number 1.  The new challenges include being completely disorientated with the Austrian system of doing things and running a business. I keep referring to my Serbian experience and then realizing… it really doesn't seem to be applicable here at all.

What a crazy old life it is… who would have thought one year ago that all this would be happening. Even one month ago, things were very different. Yesterday was different. Doesn't that fill us with hope for the future, anything can happen… anything can change… you can change...I can change. The dreams we spoke of one year ago, the things we discussed in fervor are right in front of our eyes.

I don’t know what will happen with CE here, I don’t know if we will succeed or not.. who knows? there are so many factors that we can’t even see yet. Nothing is for sure, and no chickens are out of the eggs.. but what is success anyways but a momentary fulfillment of high expectations.. and failure.. that dreaded word.. is a moment in time where you feel you did not reach what you really wanted and are not where you wanted. That’s right, all of life is a string of moments, every single step along the way is a little stepping stone, even the ones that seem to be taking you down.

Just picture us… three and a half years ago, simply milling over the idea of Culture Exchange… saving every penny and picturing it as best as we could. It was nothing like we imagined, but it was really something. Today… how we feel, how we feel about ourselves, our failures, our love lives, our careers, our hopes our dreams… it’s a momentary thing. It feels so hard, I know, it feels like it will never happen for you, well… how do you know what will happen. Just keep on trying, that’s the motto I am living by today. I don’t know what will happen with us, with me… with anything. When I get up every day, I just look at the one small job I have in front of me.. and I think ‘Yes, I am going to do it’ whether its painting a wall or having a meeting, I want to give it my all.

I can’t say I will be greatly successful in the future in any way.. but right now at this moment, I am living this moment.. writing this blog, writing to you, writing to me, writing to my future… to remember, that I am a person of great strength, love and faith.. and no matter where life leads me.. whatever I might call myself at any moment, I am this girl that tries with all her strength.

I open myself time and again to experience, to vulnerability, to love, to heart-break, to failure.. I stare them in the face.. and I say that I am not afraid. After all the greatest act of resistance and true freedom in this world is to live in love and to be true to yourself... Ok I got emotional.. good night everyone... x