SHIT STORM Part 1

The trouble with troubles is that they are like a big mound of rotting stuff, you cant quite see how bad it is until you start getting to the bottom of it, then you realize… that it’s a lot worse then you could see from the surface.

Where am I going with these deep analogies of life… these little pearls of wisdom? Yes my friends, I want to tell you about the shit hitting the fan, and how I am trying to clean it up.

The first thing I am learning from all of this is that business, paperwork, bills, and house care are actually serious matters that need to be thought through and personally and deliberately taken care of. My hazy brain is possibly getting super overloaded by all the details of what goes on in every area, this is normal, this is why we are blessed in this life with pens and papers… to write shit down, to make people sign and to check and double check important stuff like payments.

So basically me and a roommate have been renting a little house, some of you may know it. It’s a little pink house around the corner from CE, I adore the house and have loved living there.  Basically there have been some major misconducts of finances between the landlord, the landlord’s representative and us. Meaning that we have been paying him the

money to pay the bills and rent and he never gave it to her or something like that. We don’t really know what happened to all the money we have been paying these months, all we know is that the landlord returned to the house and gave us some absurd bills amounting to about 500 euros… basically one year of bills and demanded we pay everything or be kicked out. The frustrating part is that both me and my roommate are away (I have been away for about 4 months this year in Graz, but always left my share of the money). We are kind of powerless to really investigate the situation because of not being there. The last two days have been pretty stress filled, with lots of messaging here and there between all the different people to figure out what exactly is going on. In the end it seems we have no proof of ever giving any money to the guy.. oh foolish us… foolish me…. How could we let this happen? Well let me tell you simple negligence in very easy when you are constantly in a rush, forcing so many details into your brain but never really thinking through some of these things.

I am known for some sloppy money behavioural patterns, I often forget what I have given someone and when, what I borrowed, what I payed and what I didn’t. I always knew I should be more organised and think things through, but it was kind of one of those things that I was never feeling strong consequences from… because nothing serious had ever happened. Now I am in Graz, working 3 jobs, all day from morning till evening. I am trying to work on CE here, pay for CE in Serbia and pay for all living expenses.. and with this extra bill, it’s a pretty crushing weight on my pocket. In fact if I pay that I will have nothing for the renovation of CE that I intended to do. Wow…. Life…. It throws you curve balls and sometimes you seem to be facing the wrong way and get hit in the head. Already the golden lessons are abounding and coming at me super fast. I mean…. How can I be so sloppy and inconsistent when I am trying to run two businesses… how can I be so trustful when I know the way the world works, when I have experienced it and seen it in so many different colours. I guess I am nieve, but I truly think this is because I am not thinking enough, I am rushing, rushing and rushing more… thinking I have to do so much little stuff all the time and not realising that apart from all the exciting ‘I am a business owner in 2 countries’ there are some important details that if not taken care of can make the castle you are trying to build come crashing down.

I feel like I have made so many mistakes in the last year…. Probably every year, but this last year they seemed to be pretty big ones with nice juicy consequences. I feel really like an idiot for the amount of stuff that has kind of gone wrong. At the same time I know that I will learn from all of this, I will grow and be better and smarter, I really hope that I do.

So now the situation is I have some debts that are pretty overwhelming , I have no idea how the next bit of this will go. I feel like Annie in the movie bridesmaids 

Yeah this is life, but I guess if I learn these things it will be much easier for me and for those around me. I know I have a slight honesty problem myself (to be honest). I always try to look like the good guy in every situation and place the blame on others for stupid little things, its not that its hard for me to admit that I was wrong, its more of an automatic thing. I also sometimes pretend I don’t know about stuff, or have no  idea what someone is talking about.

 2 things I learnt

1.       First, be honest with yourself about each and every dealing, think more, check with your conscience on each decision and don’t cover things up or make things look better then they are just to save face

2.       Be Careful, watchful and faithful with your possessions and money, its hard work to earn it, and it hurts to lose it, especially to stupid things. I will now work all summer, all day to just pay off my bills…. And even then I doubt I can cover it, but you know what.... I am not giving up. I know I will be penniless, homeless and maybe in a slight depression, but I am going through life and learning. I am very stupid about many things, and I am trying to improve.