The subtle art of Rejection

When you feel that you cannot be good at anything in life, and all your talents and skills are meaningless in today’s society… do not give up… there is one thing you can become skilled in and learn to handle that will help you in you future. REJECTION is a scary word for all of us, when we get rejected in any area of our lives our ego is hurt and its hard for us to feel confident in ourselves. However I have been making many a mental switch these days, figuring out why certain things trigger negativity and depression in our lives. I have realized that although it is hard to be rejected, I can learn to handle it in the right way, so that every rejection inspires me to achieve more, be better and understand others.

THE REJECTION CHALLENGE

When I was in Graz I read an interesting article about a guy who experienced a heavy love rejection, it had been so hard for him that he had become a total introvert and didn't go out anymore or talk to people because of his fear. He realized how crippling it had become to him and decided to take action to get himself more used to being rejected. In order to do this he set about getting one rejection every day, he would ask people absurd things and challenge himself to be in rejectable situations so that he could toughen himself to those situations. If you think about it, one person telling you no to something has no indication of the real evaluation of your life or skills, most people’s perspective of you or of what you are doing when they tell you ‘no’ is more of a direct reflection of them then of you. The more times we put ourselves out there with the possibility of being rejected in any thing, there are also more chances of being accepted. If you try more, you will probably lose more, but also probably win more.

I set about making myself a similar challenge to this guy, every day I tried to do one thing that was scary or counter intuitive. What was funny was that I didn’t end up getting rejected as much as I thought, I actually got more accepted. For instance I went to a pub with my friend for a drink, I asked for the manager and requested a job, he asked me to come back for an interview… I was really surprised, but somehow it worked and gave me a great feeling of confidence.  I didn't keep the challenge up for the whole month of February, but the times when I did try it made me realize that sometimes we are not trying anything because of fear of not getting a positive answer.

There is a quote that I guess we all know, it says ‘fortune favors the brave’. The more accepting we are to say YES to more things and not to fear the answers and responses from others when we suggest something, the more chances we have for something to go right. I want to create more opportunity for opportunities in my life, by asking more questions, being more bold, and not being afraid of the response. 

The Visa Battles

The bureaucratic battle that every foreigner fights when they try to stay in Serbia longer then 3 months. 

So… even though you may think to yourself that not many foreigners want to live or invest in Serbia and that you would be welcomed with open arms when you announce that your idea is to stay in the country and make your life here… you are wrong.Getting your visa in Serbia can be a confusing and frustrating procedure, however if you see it in the right way, with a twinkle in your eye and a view of how funny everything is really… you can see the comedy in the whole situation and like me… enjoy it.

Visa time for me has ranged in levels of pressure and fear. Sometimes it seemed to be smooth sailing and very little hassle and sometimes…  it was hell. 

So first of all, If you are a visitor to Serbia for no longer then 3 months, you do not need a visa. What you must do, however, is announce at the local police station that you are here. This must be done within 24 hours of arriving, they can check this by the stamp on your passport when you entered the country. If you are entering with and ID card, its much easier to be less visible and you have more flexibility. I suggest that you enter with your ID card if you have one. I however, have only a passport and its pretty much full of Serbia entry and exit stamps, and also visa’s (which take up one whole passport page, so my passport looks crazy full).  When you go to the police station to announce that you are here… TA DA… find the foreigners office, in Novi Sad its on the 3^rd floor of the police station. You should go there with your passport and with the contract of the house of the place you are staying during your visit. If you are staying with a helpful friend, I suggest that they go with you to tell the officials that you are staying with them and just to talk in Serbian and make it all much easier.  If you are staying in a hotel, I think you can get a paper from the hotel stating that you are staying there, and some registered document, but you should ask, because I am not sure.

So if you are staying for longer in Serbia, there are a few different kinds of visa’s you can get, I think they are

1.       NGO visa

2.       Student visa

3.       Work visa

Funnily enough I have had all three. When we first came to Serbia we were students (studying Serbian language), then we set up an NGO and got our visa’s through that, after we started CE, I got myself a nice shiny business visa. It was a bit frustrating to switch to the business visa after the other ones, because you could only get it first for 3 months, then for 6, then for 9 and finally for one year… No matter what time they give you, you have to pay the same amount. I had to have a business visa while working at CE and it was not a problem for me to get this, because the CE business was on my name and I had a lot of papers to back up my work in Serbia.

Visa application form

There is a different office for each visa type you need, so when you go there find the right room. Now the next things that happen to you may be very confusing, as most of the time the people in the foreigners office do not speak English with you. I have still never spoken in English with any one of them, except for with one girl who had to translate for me during a very difficult paperwork moment, when I insisted that they get someone to explain to me what they were saying. Shouting angrily at my passport and then at me just was not going to get through to me what I needed to do to make it happen, and yes I got my translator.

Like most bureaucratic situations, the power of the people in the office is mostly reliant on the fact that they try to make you fearful. DO NOT BE AFRAID, so many times they have made me feel like I was doing something wrong or that they were upset that I did not understand, but now I grew some balls and I really don’t care what reaction I get from them. Its my right to live and work here under the laws of this country and however they feel should not affect it. If you need to go with a friend, you can, but sometimes they don’t let them into the actual office with you when they are talking… so you have to be prepared for that too. They should give you a paper with the requirements for your visa, the things you need to bring with you, it will be in Serbian, ask your friend or whoever you are staying with (or me if you are in Novi Sad and I am too) to help you.

If you are renewing your visa, you need to remember that you must renew your visa one month before it expires, this is VERY important. There will be big problems if you forget or don’t manage to make it… check the expiry date and try to come at least a month and a half before, because it will take you about a week or so to fill the application and bring them the required papers .

One time I was late in my application, there was not a month left on my time in the country. I went with my lawyer to the office and a huge argument followed. It was all in Serbian, the ladies seemed very angry and my lawyer was also shouting, in the end they gave me the visa. When we left, I asked the lawyer what happened and how they were behaving, and he was like ‘oh she was a sweet girl’… I was shocked, apparently they weren’t angry at all but just having a normal discussion about it. Serbian people can get pretty passionate and if you don’t understand the language you can think they are mad when they are just expressing themselves.

In the beginning when I would go for my visa’s, I was very afraid and flustered every time. They were never happy to see me and always made a scene. During the time when the other owner of CE got deported from the country it was really hard to keep cool in the visa office as they just seemed to want to make trouble for us. I remember one time when they were hassling the others I got so upset that I went into the room and asked they angrily what was the problem exactly, they asked me to leave, I did not, I demanded and explanation to the girls as to what exactly they needed to do and I demanded that it was in English. They got very upset and shouted at me ‘WHAT DO YOU WANT’, and I shouted back ‘I WANT TO STAY IN THIS COUNTRY’, they said ‘you can’, I told them that I could not if they were deporting all my friends and then I was told I must leave the room . When I went to do my papers they were extremely rude to me, I felt my cheeks getting hot and red and the frustration built up inside of me finally I told the translator ‘Can you translate this for me… Why are you so rude? I am living here, working here, paying taxes and trying to make the country better, I am not a criminal and you are treating me like one, can you tell meplease… why are you so rude to me’. There was total silence then she said ‘No one is being rude to you here’. ‘YES YOU ARE’ I said and left the room. When I came back with my papers, they handled them quietly and no one said a thing. Even though I don’t think its good to lose your temper or to be unkind or impolite to people, its important also to realise that you have rights and you should be allowed to at least understand the situation without being made to feel like you have done something wrong.

In October 2013, when all CE crew had been denied visa’s for Serbia, it seemed as if I would also get mine denied. Not for a real paperwork problem, but because of the political problems we were facing here. For this visa application I was called for a special interview with the chief of police, I went with my lawyer and with an official court translator. The police inspector went over every detail of mine and CE’s finances and asked a lot of questions, thankfully I understood what to answer and what to avoid. After the meeting I was told to wait while they decided what to do with me, when I came to the police station again and they told me I had got my visa, I was so happy I was jumping up and down and smiling so much… even the visa officials smiled a bit and congratulated me. It shouldn’t really be this hard, but it was.

So guys if you are going to stay in Serbia, and you want to get your visa here, be prepared but don’t be intimidated. Most things here sound harder then they really are, and actually, many people before you have gone through the same procedure, and endured it, and if they can, so can you. DO NOT try to live in Serbia without a visa if you want to work here or do some serious project, because it is not easy and you can get deported, if you do get deported and on the wrong side of the law, there Is almost nothing you can do to get out of it or get help, you just have to leave… which is not so bad either… just you have to continue your life in another place.

If you are in a long term relationship with a Serbian person, it is also possible to get your visa in that way. I know sometimes we have talked about faking it with one of our friends, though we never actually did it, so I don’t know how hard it is. Of course if you are getting married you can get a visa… but you still have to get it and don’t have automatic right to stay.

Something else to mention is that some lawyers offer to help foreigners with their visa, for a set fee they can do all the work for you. However I do not suggest it, we got ripped off this way with one lawyer who did not do his job on time, and this is one reason for some of the deportation of the CE owners. Also its not that difficult, you can do it yourself and no matter how complicated they make it seem, its perfectly fine for you to go and do your own paperwork. It doesn't even take that much time, just a bit of running around and once you are used to it and have done it a few times, you will know what to do.

So its actually visa month for me and that’s why I am writing this post, hope it’s a help and I hope you are all successful in any endeavour you are trying to do in Serbia. If you need assistance in any way, you can always contact me if I am in Serbia. 

My volunteer visa from a while ago

Its Valentine’s Day

Time to appreciate all the love that is around us every day

Sometimes we feel like we don’t have one special person to celebrate with and forget that we have so many wonderful people and so much love surrounding us all the time. If I feel lonely or sad, I just remember all the times when I have really felt alone and lost with no one around me, and also that there are many people all over the world who don’t have the privilege of being surrounded with beautiful people who are close friends and who are giving me so much love, affection and pleasure every day just by being there.

All I can think is LUCKY ME, lucky me to have such good friends and to have a heart that can feel love and true oneness with people that I have met. To live in a place where there are people that are truly beautiful from inside out and that I really appreciate and think are great. If I really think about it, almost my whole life I have found lovely people to share my heart with. Lucky me!

Some of the lovely things I am thankful for today (and I am not just pretending to make myself feel better on Valentines day)

My family, 6 brothers and sisters who are honest, funny and inspiring people

My life in Serbia, with my good friends who are just brilliant in every way

My friends in England, who I shared so many beautiful moments with, who made me laugh all the time and I had so many crazy moments with.

My new life in Graz, the girls that I live with, my ultimate wing-men friends, the people who are just nice for no reason, and all the support and friendship they gave, even though they don’t know me so well.

My CE team,  the crew that is so honest and good from the inside out, that every single person on the team is someone who I genuinely love. What a blessing to be able to work with such amazing, kind and talented people, who push me forward in my life and also fill it with fun and laughter.

The crew at ERDE, the new people that are so fun to work with, I am so thankful to work somewhere that I enjoy with people that are chilled and lovely.

When I think about all these things, I have to smile and realize… LUCKY ME, what a great life I have. If I was someone else and I looked at my life.. I would be jealous, I am jealous of me.  If 5 years ago, someone had shown me a picture of what my life would be like today, I just wouldn't have believed it, I wouldn't have been able to imagine the lovely, beautiful things that I am blessed with. I can’t believe how lucky I am, to have my bike, to ride every day, to laugh with people I love, to work towards a goal that I am sure of, to share my life with good friends, to be strong enough to work-out, to cook whatever I want, to be financially independent, to be able to see the world in this way. What will life look like for me in 5 years? The coolest thing is that there is no way of saying what it will bring. There is not one area of my life I have certainty about, only that it will change. We are on the brink of opening CE in Graz, who knows what will happen from here? Who knows what adventures await even today, let alone in the next 5 years. I have to close my eyes and just thank God for everything he has brought me through, to and towards… It’s a wonderful  life. 

The Say YES month is here…. This is a perfect time for everyone to take full advantage of me!!!

First I want to do a short recap on January, It was meant to be my month for working on organisation and business. It was definitely a business oriented month, and I did improve on certain organisational things, such as my work-out schedule. On the whole I don’t think I am really a lot more organised, but my business life does seem to be moving forward in many ways. I have realized also that I am totally different from the girl who wrote the happiness project… ha! Its very hard for me to think about writing down every little thing and creating so many charts, goals and lists. Never mind all of that, the most important thing is that I can stay focused on improvement and do my very best, after all I am trying to show myself what I can do… and not comparing with anyone else. Actually January has been a say YES month, as I have had so many new experiences and took the leap into some things that I really did not think I would be comfortable with, and it’s been great.

My first SAY YES in February was that I was offered the opportunity to go to learn Indian cooking at a friends house with his mother. I am so tired here and its hard to think of doing something productive at the end of a day at CE, but with my new resolution in my mind, I went along to learn (also Indian cooking is one of my passions… so Its not so hard) It was not only a great learning experience, but I also connected super well with my Indian cooking instructor, and had some great talks.

My second SAY YES achievement was that I went bouldering with my friend, climbing up walls with random rocky holds is very arm strengthening. When she invited me, I knew it was a perfect SAY YES moment and went ahead and did it, so glad I did.

One cool thing about doing SAY YES things is that you get to connect with people who you wouldn’t normally meet or hang out with. The two activities that I did made me some new friends and both led to really interesting and deep conversations.

I think this year I am re-connecting with my old tender self, I seem to be getting more and more emotional in both directions. I haven’t for so long felt real sympathy and compassion for problems in the world and other people’s difficulties, recently I have been feeling so moved by each and every moment that is happening, its kind of like my life has been brought into colour. I also have found everything much more funny and relaxing, everything is making me laugh and my friends are bringing me so much joy, I can definitely take more of that and want to stay in this place. I feel its better to be emotional, I cannot stand the feeling that I cannot feel anything, it feels like I am pretty much dead. Last year was so much of feeling nothing that I am enjoying the deep emotions and powerful feelings that have come at me. 

Alll that to say, February is here, I will be trying as many new experiences as come my way, I will be saying YES to love in every form and fighting for improvement. That's all for now

My plan now is not to plan...

I know I made my new year goals, and I am pretty much trying to improve in those areas of my life. But I have no structural, directional goals apart from.... opening CE, or at least going in that general direction. Last year I made a lot of plans, but so many things did not go as I expected, I felt disappointed in myself so many times for not reaching a goal or doing something I talked about with so much enthusiasm. 
For now, whenever anyone asks me where I am going next or what my plans are for the future.. I will just shrug my shoulders and say that I simply have no idea. I know today what I am doing.. sometimes not even that far, I know at this second that I am writing a blog post.. I know what I want to tell you... and that is all I know.
How can we tell what is going to happen in our lives? Happiness for me is having success as a moment by moment goal, making sure I do my best in the thing I am doing at that moment. Whether its a talk with a friend, building the new cafe, working on paperwork or making a meal. All the life we have that we know for sure is the moment that we are living in. i understand that some people feel this is not so smart, not having real plans or structure for your life could send you off in any direction, but would that really be so bad?

I expected a lot from some people and situations this year and last... I ended up being pretty disappointed and heartbroken. The guy I was so sure of, was in the end not sure of me. The trip I wanted to go on, in the end was unreachable. The friend I thought I could depend on, totally walked away. The job I though I would have by now, is still a building site... Perhaps if I hadn't held these high expectations and requirements and had just lived to enjoy the moments I had then, I wouldn't have this feeling like it didn't work out... It just didn't go according to my ideas of what I wanted... but it worked out.. in some way its working out even as I write. 
A few of my friends are kind of future worriers, just like me. I worried so much last year about my future. I think girls do.. when they get in their mid twenties, and they don't have a special person in their lives. They wonder if they never will... well I figured there is good news and bad news.. .and you can even tell the bad news in a good way.
 So the bad news is that there is a chance that you will never find someone to share your life with. The good news is that you might. The bad news in a good way is that even though you may never find someone, worrying about it and making a hell out of your present life will not be helping in the least. The same goes for career worries.. oh i have heard it a million times, and I myself have said it... the worries about if we are where we should be by this age, financially stable and blah blah blah.
 Well guys... who knows what will be... who knows if we will succeed... get married... fall in love... be happy orrrr whatever.... No one can answer those question for you. You can ask your friends... they can try to reassure.... they cannot be sure. The only life you have is the one you are living at this moment, these seconds that you are spending worrying, crying, fearing, you could be doing something productive to make your life better, happier and to push you closer to your dreams. In my view success is living the life you want to lead day by day, being thankful for what you have, but at the same time not settling.. pushing yourself forward to things that you want. 
I don't want to waste another second crying about what I don't have... because it simply does not help, pulls me and other down and is a really stupid and mindless thing to do. If we just used our brains a little more, we would see how ridiculous self-pity is. I mean, who are you to say that you deserve to fall in love like all your other friends... that guy in another country just lost his legs in a bombing... wow... do you think you deserve everything others have... because then we might as well take your legs too. Comparing your life and what you want with others or with your unrealistic expectations is a very small minded and stupid habit. I have realized this... because I myself am frequently small minded and stupid and do these things. 
Now when I start to panic... to think about something I don't have... to worry that I wont ever fall in love... make any money... have a family or all those other human worries... I just stop, look at myself that moment and appreciate where I am... and remember that I have no idea what is around the next corner. This fills me with anticipation and joy, you never know who you are going to meet, what is going to happen or how its going to happen.... So I am trashing the plans, trashing the worries... trashing the expectations and I am just living for each moment to be good from inside out.

The moments we live for!

Its been hard to write posts from Graz, because its been really busy every single day and night here… and I don’t mean out partying and having wild times.

So I just got my paper stating that I am allowed to be a bar owner in Graz. This special licence is only one out of the four papers we need to begin working here in Austria. Now that I put it like that, it kind of puts into perspective that although this is one victory, its just one part and we are no way there yet.

Has paperwork in Austria been difficult? I like to say its been a learning experience, and it is continuing every day. Everyone that talked to me about bureaucracy here in Austria was just rolling their eyes and saying that its one big horrible mess and the people in the offices were really harsh and unhelpful. I think perhaps Serbia broke me in with rude people in offices, because I found the ones here to be polite, kind and understanding. Of course they have been standoff-ish at times, but compared to what I went through before, this was pretty ok.

The fact that I am even holding this one licence paper that I got is really a crazy story. When I came to Graz last year in February, I made an appointment with the WKO, which is basically the office that helps with every single business opening. I remember it was on the 10^th of February 2014, They kindly sent me a huge manual that I should read before the meeting about business start up. I sat down with plenty of enthusiasm and armed with a highlighter tried to get a grasp of what I was up against. All I can say is that I was deeply confused, there were so many different kinds of business structures… what the hell was OG, KG, GMBH… and more importantly which one was good for us and would suit Culture Exchange. I read the whole manual at least 2 times, and didn't have a clue what it really meant, so I was off to a good start. 

Arriving at the WKO I was greeting by a gentleman with very exciting eyebrows, he peered at me through the gap between them and his glasses and invited me to ask him any questions I had. After I explained a bit about what we were planning, he shook his head at me and said time and again ‘It’s not like ziss in Austria’. He told me it was very very difficult for a foreign business, his lack of faith in me was pretty obvious. After all what did I look like to him.. I had just arrived from Serbia, a bit dirty and tired (like always) wearing my old green coat, jeans, woolly hat and big patterned mittens… I certainly did not look like a potential success story, I must have looked like a kid with the bold idea of building a castle, he did not believe me, but I believed me… (kind of anyways).

 To open a restaurant or bar in Graz you need to have a special licence, it’s a personal permit making you able to be an owner of such a business idea. In order to get this you either need to take a special course at the WKO, which is expensive and all in German (I thought about trying for this one, but realised it was pretty ambitious when I only knew how to say ‘soo shuuun’ in German) or you need to have owned a bar in another country for three years. I thought that I could go with this option, even though CE had only been open for around 2 years, but the excited eyebrow fellow shook his head and explained that Serbia was not EU. We had hit a brick wall with the first paper.

6 months later after trying to get someone else from Graz to do this licence paper for me, I went back to the Magistrat (the main licencing body) and they told me that we could perhaps use my Serbian one. It was a bit frustrating to realize I had lost 6 months trying for another option, when the real answer was already in my hands. I painstakingly had to translate every Serbian document into German. Thankfully a friend of mine was an official court translator and helped me a great deal. Even after every document was in, there was no way of knowing if they would actually give me the paper I needed. In my next two visits to Graz I translated and brought to the lady every document I could to support my business ability in Serbia. The lady at the Magistrat did not speak English but understood, she would send me emails in German explaining what she needed next and I would google translate and write her in English, I imagine she was doing the same thing on the other end. Finally she wrote me to come to the office to get my licence, I could not believe it. It had taken me one year and lots of back and forth. When I got to the office and I payed the last tax, she printed the paper and handed it to me. This is kind of a miracle, as so many people apply for this and it’s a very difficult procedure to get it.

So this is the first of the posts about the business proceedures here in Graz, I know it’s a bit confusing (trust me, I am confused too).

the first paper

As I look about me at the sawdust filled café we are working on building and I see the huge mess and crazy antics that we get up to each day, I can’t help but wonder what the future will hold. What a lot of crazy things I do every day and what a dirty little barbarian I am, covered in dirt and dust every day. It’s a crazy old life… I have to admit, I just have no idea what will happen next. So the adventure continues….

Here is an excerpt I wrote last year 2014 around February about my trip to Graz

Adventures of Culture Exchange
So I just came back from Graz, and i think its a perfect time to spread the feeling of excitement and let you all know I was in search for the next location for CE. 
One year ago, we also were in search of how to open our second location, and that was before everything got crazy here in Serbia, we had that small matter of a little article, smashed windows and finally deportation. All that to say despite the setbacks, we are up and ready to move forward once again. Who is to say if it will happen or not, but we must try. 
We had a few very exciting talks with all the CE crew who are now spread out all over the world, as you know, 7 of us opened Culture Exchange and are now in many different countries, still trying desperately to figure out a way to bring it all together again as we believe so strongly in our concept, innovative ideas and have a great friendships that we want to continue with into the future. 
So what did i find there... yes i found a location that i think is perfect, I will be posting pictures soon, and writing about the whole visit.

   The Random Collection of Graz thoughts.... 

The very trendy and fashionable look these days for us is covered in sawdust and paint… Yep… building phase in Graz is in full swing. I have to admit I fully enjoy being very dirty with an excuse.. such as… I've been painting all day or sanding down endless planks of wood. The building part of Graz has been tiring but a wonderful team experience and full of new things to learn.

Even though many people tell me that it must be easier to open this one after having already done the one in Serbia, I have to tell you that the feeling and experience is completely different. I do feel less stressed, I have different challenges, but they are still there. Some things do seem to be easier.. but most of the time I have to describe it as different. I remember one scene from ‘Narnia’, Lucy is asking Aslan why he didn't come to save them this time.. and he says ‘Nothing ever happens the same way twice’. It is exactly like that.

I can’t fully describe to you the terrible pain I felt when we were in the month of opening our first place in Novi Sad, anyone who knew me at that time can tell you.. I was a complete disaster. I still am a disaster.. I am just not crying as much (maybe I got used to that feeling). I remember the very intense pain of feeling like I was the useless piece on the team… like I just couldn't do anything right. So many things went wrong, I was also very unsure of the success of CE. I think my biggest fear was that no one would come, that we would just close without even having a single customer… fear is a fictional story we tell ourselves.

This time round I feel much more positive about my input into the CE here, I have not actually screwed up too badly yet (there is plenty of time for that still). I do feel  more unity with the team and a genuine sense of partnership, which I hadn't felt as strongly on number 1.  The new challenges include being completely disorientated with the Austrian system of doing things and running a business. I keep referring to my Serbian experience and then realizing… it really doesn't seem to be applicable here at all.

What a crazy old life it is… who would have thought one year ago that all this would be happening. Even one month ago, things were very different. Yesterday was different. Doesn't that fill us with hope for the future, anything can happen… anything can change… you can change...I can change. The dreams we spoke of one year ago, the things we discussed in fervor are right in front of our eyes.

I don’t know what will happen with CE here, I don’t know if we will succeed or not.. who knows? there are so many factors that we can’t even see yet. Nothing is for sure, and no chickens are out of the eggs.. but what is success anyways but a momentary fulfillment of high expectations.. and failure.. that dreaded word.. is a moment in time where you feel you did not reach what you really wanted and are not where you wanted. That’s right, all of life is a string of moments, every single step along the way is a little stepping stone, even the ones that seem to be taking you down.

Just picture us… three and a half years ago, simply milling over the idea of Culture Exchange… saving every penny and picturing it as best as we could. It was nothing like we imagined, but it was really something. Today… how we feel, how we feel about ourselves, our failures, our love lives, our careers, our hopes our dreams… it’s a momentary thing. It feels so hard, I know, it feels like it will never happen for you, well… how do you know what will happen. Just keep on trying, that’s the motto I am living by today. I don’t know what will happen with us, with me… with anything. When I get up every day, I just look at the one small job I have in front of me.. and I think ‘Yes, I am going to do it’ whether its painting a wall or having a meeting, I want to give it my all.

I can’t say I will be greatly successful in the future in any way.. but right now at this moment, I am living this moment.. writing this blog, writing to you, writing to me, writing to my future… to remember, that I am a person of great strength, love and faith.. and no matter where life leads me.. whatever I might call myself at any moment, I am this girl that tries with all her strength.

I open myself time and again to experience, to vulnerability, to love, to heart-break, to failure.. I stare them in the face.. and I say that I am not afraid. After all the greatest act of resistance and true freedom in this world is to live in love and to be true to yourself... Ok I got emotional.. good night everyone... x