I've been celebrating life recently. There are so many good things happening and also some crazy things... but altogether i feel amazed at all that is occurring.
I learnt so many important things this month and i think its time for a little reflecting.
So lets start with mesengering for the Pink Pedals, now i have been cycling with this company for about 5 months more or less. I wrote in the last post about how hard messengering had been for me. I feel i really suffered inwardly in the first few months, it seemed it would never get better. I felt like every day i was lost the whole day, then i felt stupid for being lost the whole day, and then i felt bad about feeling bad because i knew i shouldn't be so hard on myself. I felt like i was so unlucky and untalented.... i guess this is what we now calling the learning process.. or the fuck up stage. I see now how important that beginning difficult bit was, i see my improvement and how I hardly ever have bad days now. I appreciate this immensely.... i can only appreciate this fulfilment after the depressing and discouraging first months of sheer struggle. I respect myself so much more for trying so hard and not giving up, for being willing to look like an idiot (yeah that happens pretty often), i had to go through feeling like such a complete retard to be able to progress. If something really means a lot to you... keep trying, even if you are terrible. One day you will be proud of yourself. I cannot describe the joy that this job brings me and how immensely happy i feel after i have driven the whole day and i go through the jobs i did, the places i have been and all that i learnt. Every day is a new beginning and you never know what is going to happen in this job, its all a surprise, you never know which jobs you will ride, what the weather will be like or what kind of situations you will encounter. I love the unpredictability and how much you have to activate your brain constantly to be aware.
Speaking of unpredictability, I am kind of homeless again. I really thought this time of my life was over. However due to some interesting decisions on my part ( i didn't want to say bad), I gave up my room in my last apartment and then the new one fell through. I am still able to live with my boyfreind for one month and then i will be in Asia for two months.. but then i come back to Graz and need to right away find a place to live. All the situations i was in last year with no home give me some kind of calmness that i will of course find somewhere to live. Its not so bad anyways to be without a stable situation for a while, change is good and it makes us activate... seek for something better and also teaches us to be happy and sustainable with very little. Even though i really dislike to be between homes and always feel i need my space, i try to ask myself to enjoy the ride. I think it through and realise that something always worked out before and it always worked out perfectly.. so why not this time. Anyhow if any of my Friends in Graz do have a room to rent from January.. then let me know.
Culture Exchange in Graz is also bringing me much joy. Although we are still struggling in some ways and don't get much money from it, i have found many things to enjoy in my business. I have to say i have passion for cooking and baking.. i never knew i could do these things, and again.. like the messengering.. it was really pitiful in the beginning. All of my cakes would flop and turn out so flat.. i was the joke of the shop (which is probably still true). Somehow now i feel these things come naturally to me. I spent a lot of time dreaming up new cakes and recipes. I honestly can say that i have such an intense passion for it that i am very stalkerish with the first customers of the day. Be prepared for a very creepy cook if you do eat here, because i do stare intently at the person eating to make sure they like it and watch the nod of satisfaction and hear the 'Sehrrr gut' from them. You see.. anything that you put love into will work out somehow.
The last month i also learnt a lot about being brave in communicating with people. The team of CE had some problems.. some old wounds that never healed and now that i look back on it i really think that there was a lack of understanding of each other. Through some rough situations we were forced to finally talk it out... argue it out... or whatever you want to call it. The communication restored unity to the team and it really makes a huge difference. Coming to work and holding a grudge against people you work with is such a drain... and i can see that the customers could feel it to. No one wants to be somewhere that the people who work there don't want to be. I know its so hard to really speak honestly, especially if you are like me and are easily intimidated, however sometimes its a life and death situation for your project.. and if you think about it you will realise that there is nothing to lose if its so bad already, the best thing you can possibly do is share honestly how you feel even if its upsetting.
Its exactly one year since the TEDx talk in Croatia... how amazing
I learnt so many important things this month and i think its time for a little reflecting.
So lets start with mesengering for the Pink Pedals, now i have been cycling with this company for about 5 months more or less. I wrote in the last post about how hard messengering had been for me. I feel i really suffered inwardly in the first few months, it seemed it would never get better. I felt like every day i was lost the whole day, then i felt stupid for being lost the whole day, and then i felt bad about feeling bad because i knew i shouldn't be so hard on myself. I felt like i was so unlucky and untalented.... i guess this is what we now calling the learning process.. or the fuck up stage. I see now how important that beginning difficult bit was, i see my improvement and how I hardly ever have bad days now. I appreciate this immensely.... i can only appreciate this fulfilment after the depressing and discouraging first months of sheer struggle. I respect myself so much more for trying so hard and not giving up, for being willing to look like an idiot (yeah that happens pretty often), i had to go through feeling like such a complete retard to be able to progress. If something really means a lot to you... keep trying, even if you are terrible. One day you will be proud of yourself. I cannot describe the joy that this job brings me and how immensely happy i feel after i have driven the whole day and i go through the jobs i did, the places i have been and all that i learnt. Every day is a new beginning and you never know what is going to happen in this job, its all a surprise, you never know which jobs you will ride, what the weather will be like or what kind of situations you will encounter. I love the unpredictability and how much you have to activate your brain constantly to be aware.Speaking of unpredictability, I am kind of homeless again. I really thought this time of my life was over. However due to some interesting decisions on my part ( i didn't want to say bad), I gave up my room in my last apartment and then the new one fell through. I am still able to live with my boyfreind for one month and then i will be in Asia for two months.. but then i come back to Graz and need to right away find a place to live. All the situations i was in last year with no home give me some kind of calmness that i will of course find somewhere to live. Its not so bad anyways to be without a stable situation for a while, change is good and it makes us activate... seek for something better and also teaches us to be happy and sustainable with very little. Even though i really dislike to be between homes and always feel i need my space, i try to ask myself to enjoy the ride. I think it through and realise that something always worked out before and it always worked out perfectly.. so why not this time. Anyhow if any of my Friends in Graz do have a room to rent from January.. then let me know.
Culture Exchange in Graz is also bringing me much joy. Although we are still struggling in some ways and don't get much money from it, i have found many things to enjoy in my business. I have to say i have passion for cooking and baking.. i never knew i could do these things, and again.. like the messengering.. it was really pitiful in the beginning. All of my cakes would flop and turn out so flat.. i was the joke of the shop (which is probably still true). Somehow now i feel these things come naturally to me. I spent a lot of time dreaming up new cakes and recipes. I honestly can say that i have such an intense passion for it that i am very stalkerish with the first customers of the day. Be prepared for a very creepy cook if you do eat here, because i do stare intently at the person eating to make sure they like it and watch the nod of satisfaction and hear the 'Sehrrr gut' from them. You see.. anything that you put love into will work out somehow. The last month i also learnt a lot about being brave in communicating with people. The team of CE had some problems.. some old wounds that never healed and now that i look back on it i really think that there was a lack of understanding of each other. Through some rough situations we were forced to finally talk it out... argue it out... or whatever you want to call it. The communication restored unity to the team and it really makes a huge difference. Coming to work and holding a grudge against people you work with is such a drain... and i can see that the customers could feel it to. No one wants to be somewhere that the people who work there don't want to be. I know its so hard to really speak honestly, especially if you are like me and are easily intimidated, however sometimes its a life and death situation for your project.. and if you think about it you will realise that there is nothing to lose if its so bad already, the best thing you can possibly do is share honestly how you feel even if its upsetting.
Its exactly one year since the TEDx talk in Croatia... how amazing
