The Crazy Life I Lead

I am writing this post to clear my mind in a way, because there is so much going through it and it feels like writing my blog is kind of like putting it out there, almost like I have something hard to say to someone and then I finally blurt it out. I am trying to make sense of what I will be doing the next few months, even the simplest functions of living and knowing what to do are starting to become tricky. Am I that piece of butter spread too thinly over toast? Graz, Serbia, two businesses that I am involved in, my own passions and dreams, people I want to see, things I want to do, and most importantly of course, forming the person that I want to be. It all feels like a lot and I am the first to admit that I havent been blessed with the most practical or organised brain, the scrambled mix of events, to do's, places I must be, people I feel I need to be there for and all that have been weighing heavily on my heart and brain these days. 

The first thing that I got clear with myself today when sitting to think about it was this

It's cool and challenging, there is nothing boring about my life, and not knowing what to do is in a way a challenging crossroad with many options.

The next things I wrote in my notebook when brainstorming solutions for my next 6 months were these

1. MUST HAVE FAITH
2. TRY AS HARD AS YOU CAN 
3. BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE

When I read over them, they made me smile. Of all the things that are happening, I try to clear my brain to realise what is really important. Love, faith and happiness are the things I want to grow in the garden of my life, the worries and fears are always going to be there, I wont water these weeds that are trying to crush out my enjoyment of all the wonderful things the world is presenting me with these days. 

Something that is hard for me to decide is how much time to invest in each place. Also how to keep the place in Serbia going, for so long it does not make any profit. Its been an incredibly rough journey to keep CE Novi Sad open. It has tested me in every way, and yes I dont feel like I am the right person to run a business and maybe the reason its so hard is kind of because of me, because of the way I am. However I cannot be another person, I am who I am and I have to do the best with what I have. I cannot tell you all that I have been through since CE Novi Sad opened, especially since the rest of the team of owners left Serbia. I can just say that it was not easy, and I wanted to give it up many, many times. What kept me there? The feeling like it was needed, the love for the people and our customers, and perhaps sometimes even my fear of what I would be like without it.

I feel like its like a child, its there.... taking everything I have all the time, stopping me from doing many things I want, I feel unfit to parent it, I doubt myself at every turn. It makes me proud, it makes me embarrassed, it makes me question everything, and it makes me exhausted, it makes me cry, it makes me laugh, it gives me unexplainable feelings of joy and sadness.... and yes I just couldn't leave it. 

This child needs to grow up now and learn to stand on its own. The difficult economic system in Serbia is something everyone who is from there understands, its been very hard to have a business there. I don't know what the future of CE Novi Sad is going to be, but I know that no matter what happens, everything is going to be alright. I will grow in new ways and life goes on. 

In all this uncertainty I struggle with the needs of both places, with wanting to give everything to both and also to try to be alright as a person myself. I know from last year that no one can say what the future will be. Our fears try to be our personal fortune tellers and they arent good fortunes that they are predicting anyways. Its good to remember that things seldom happen anywhere close to how your brain imagines it. I just take a deep breath and remember how small my problems are. There is a big world out there, plenty to do, lots to see and I will always be alright. 

If anyone who is reading this is thinking that they would like to help with the CE Novi Sad or have a solution or way we could make it better, please write me and let me know, because at this point it needs help, it needs to have some different input and some focused attention. Got an idea for me?? just let me know

On the other side of things, I have SOOOO much to write about, because I have been learning so many things, so many exciting things are happening.

Two things I want to talk about soon

1. I will be doing a bike ride from Graz to Spain this summer, hopefully

2. I have been filling in my scheduled monthly plan for myself that I made on New Year, and yes I have to write about APRIL, my new skill month.

For now this is all, here is a song that I really love, have a listen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdMxVlwBxYk

Here are the lyrics, so inspiring

Lyrics to Never Be Dauntedwhat are you so afraid of?
why are you feeling scared?
what's the worst that's gonna happen?

standing in the moonlight
I can tell you feel doomed
though nothing is wrong, no nothing

you say maybe a crane will fall from the sky
maybe a dove will dive
and I before your eyes

it's too early to say
it's too early to say goodnight (goodnight)

it's too early to read
it's too early to read by the firelight

what are you so afraid of?
why are you feeling scared?
what's the worst that's gonna happen?

standing in the meadow
with sunlight in your eye
and a sense of so much sorrow

you say maybe a plane will fall from the sky
maybe your lover will lie
and I before your eyes

it's too early to say
it's too early to say goodnight (goodnight)

OPENING CE GRAZ 

We finally had the opening day of CE in Graz. 

I can hardly believe that now we are open and having customers, it felt like we were going to be in the preparation stage forever. I had gotten so used to the idea of working on the shop that it was so strange to see that it was finally that long awaited day when we could put the ‘OPEN’ sign and say that we were ready to go.

 It has been over 2 years since our first preliminary visit to Graz, Simon and I came to look around at some locations and work out how a business structure here would work. It all seemed so confusing and like there was so many things that we did not understand. It was a mind-boggling process to understand the paperwork and tax system of Austria and it was actually much harder on the head then on the body. It always seems so complicated when you hear all those big businessy words and you just feel like you are a kid in a adult world, where everyone knows what they are doing apart from you. When it comes down to it and you go through the process step by step, everything is doable. If so many people before you have done these things, why cant you? There are hundreds of businesses of all kinds set up by all kinds of people and there is nothing new under the sun. The business system can be worked through with patience and sometimes just walking forward when you don’t know if the ground under you is going to hold you, it will work out if you keep trying. 

The most beautiful time of a business to me are those beginning days and weeks when you are so unsure and insecure. It’s a totally uncomfortable period of learning and growth, where you see the new baby and start to get to know it, to see its personality, what it needs from you and what you can give it. There is something so fragile and innocent, nothing has happened yet… anything could happen. I think its normal to experience some degree of fear of failing, like your newest creation that you worked so hard on is all of a sudden thrust out on the stage in the public spotlight and you hold your breath and see if there will be applause or silence, acceptance or rejection. You care more for your newest project then at any other time, you watch its every move and you try to hold on to your nerves when you think about if you can really survive and pay the bills from what you will earn. When we opened the place in Novi Sad, I remember the first day no one came in at all. I called my friend and told him ‘There is no one here… what are we going to do?’ I thought it had failed. I learnt that you need to  have so much patience and understand that everything takes so much time, people need to get to know you and your business, they need to feel comfortable and they need time to even find you.

The first customers that come in are always so treasured, I am always so excited and anxious to make sure they are happy here, that every request is met. Later on when there are so many people through the door, its so much less valued and harder to feel that rush of excitement and satisfaction for each and every person that you are welcoming into the business. This first week of CE In Graz was full of learning experiences. For one, none of us had every cooked food for a restaurant type of business before and we are learning how to do the recipes and how to make it profitable. It was so exciting for me when we sold 12 pieces of lasagna (our most sold meal this week). Little victories are so inspiring when you are starting from the bottom and learning everything from scratch. We are also learning all about which drinks people like to have here and what are the best prices. We sort of made a mock up of the menu and just worked with the customers to see if it needed to be adjusted.

 

The bike part of the CE in Graz is still in the process, as we had to wait for our tax number paper and actually a lot of the official papers for our opening were not yet finished in time for the big day. We had to make the decision to go ahead without them, because we were waiting for more then 3 and a half months and could not go on longer without losing too much money. In the next month the bike side will be open and we will see again the business expand from a new angle and see how we can breakthrough into that market. 

One of the biggest challenges coming up is how to organise CE and manage the place in Serbia and in Graz. Its so confusing for me as I really want to be in both places and see them both grow strong. There seems to be so many demanding needs on each side and its hard to get into something if you have only got one leg in. With anything you do with self employment, if you get into it…. You have to kind of get in all the way and its something to accept that your life will probably get crazy. I was telling some friends about how I really didn’t know how to plan the next few months of my life, it seemed that I should be in both countries all the time… and what about the other things I want so badly to do.. bike trips, band touring and all the rest. They told me… ‘yeah well you are one of the owners of two bars in different countires… so what did you expect’. I have to right now just enjoy the ride, this time of uncertainty can be a bit displacing and disorienting, but I know that this is kind of what I signed up for. I really cannot stand things when nothing is happening and everything is kind of stagnant, that was one reason last year was so hard for me. I think last year was the hardest year of my life (so far), I felt so stuck, like I was in a huge pot of porridge and all my efforts to move myself to do something were just wasted energy. Our project to open in Graz was so hard to start and I think the whole team of CE went though so much last year.

Now one year later, the story looks so different, the hill we struggled up is beneath us (at least partially) now we can look around and enjoy the view, but of course, we must keep moving. The greatest challenges are still laying ahead of us, but there is a clearing in the path and we made it through a big chunk of this journey. That’s the thing with life though, the challenges are never ending, there is always something to struggle with, I know that is how we grow. Sometimes I just want to get to the point where its kind of like ‘THE END’ part in a movie.. the climatic ending… but its just not like that is it? After the day ends, you have got to keep moving and progressing and there is always something new. Success is really a momentary achievement and popularity, fame and fortune are such fleeting things. When we get to a point where we can say… ‘this is where I want to be’, it changes so fast. The only stable fact in my life is change, I know its always going to be with me, and I guess in a way it’s a comforting thing. I know no matter how difficult things seem, how challenging the moment, or how hard the emotions… it will change for me and I will feel different. 

Today we look at the CE in Graz like a fresh new page in many ways, but its kind of more of a chapter that’s adding on to our already great adventure story of CE. I could never have time, memory or enough breath in my mouth to tell the story of CE the way it really happened, because its been so much more then just another trendy Café opening up in a little city in Europe. It has been built by our hands but also by our hearts, all the things we went through together as a team to make the one in Novi Sad and the one here are unfathomable stories of overcoming in so many ways. I am so proud of the whole CE team, the whole extended team, from the core members who participated in the running of both businesses, to the staff who are currently working in Novi Sad, to the new people who joined the team, to the friends who supported and helped us the whole way. Its such an unconventional business and its still growing and in its early days.

GO TEAM GO

Interview with Milenko Vujesevic

or...

THE ALMIGHTY 'ENSH'  

My next interview is with a good friend of mine Milenko Vujesevic (aka. Ensh), he is an entrepreneurial musician and performer from Belgrade, but grew up in Canada. I first met him at a small show in Black Sheep (a hard-core venue in Novi Sad), I was really impressed with him and his whole show. Later on I invited him to perform at CE and recently had the privilege of performing with him on a short tour we did of Graz, Austria. I thought his story about following his passions to earn a living through music were really inspiring for all young people who may be trying to do the same. He is also a fantastic person, so relaxed and encouraging. Every time before I performed with my band I was so nervous and he was always reassuring us and supporting us, it really meant a lot to me.  I hope you all enjoy this short interview; he really did have a lot of good advice and interesting things to say.

Where are you from, and what do you do?

I was born in Belgrade, Serbia. When I was about one my parents decided to move to Toronto, Canada. I grew up there. About two years ago I was going through a major life shift. I was in a toxic relationship, in a dead end job and wasn’t really pursuing my music. Pretty much overnight I uprooted my whole life and moved back to Belgrade. Ever since I’ve been writing, recording and touring with my music.

How did you start making music and where did it begin

The first song I wrote was a song called “My Baby’s Blues”. It was for my grade 8 talent show in Toronto. My friends Mike Powers and Dan Honan played the guitar and drums respectively. I sang. Most of the lyrics were just Elvis song titles and the song was just your standard 12 bar blues. I wore a bathrobe with hearts on it, on stage. I was super nervous, but I fell in love with the whole process: writing, singing, performing, promoting, organising, I loved it all. I’ve been involved in music ever since. After a couple of high school bands I started a project called Lacerda as a solo act doing stuff that’s kind of similar to what I’m doing now. Eventually I decided to make it a full band and we toured North America a whole bunch, but the music had drastically changed direction and after a while it just wasn’t working out anymore.  My return to my birthplace of Belgrade prompted the start of Ensh. Kind of back to my electronic roots. 

What made you want to do this?

I kind of just feel like I have to do it. I love it. The goal with pretty much everything I do in life is to make it possible for me to keep writing, recording and touring. 

What were the hardest parts of making a career from music?

I think in any creative field the main problem comes down to money and sustainability. There isn’t a whole lot of certainty in a music career and I’m not at a huge level where I’m raking in cash. However because of the global economic situation I feel like a lot of engineers and doctors are in a similar situation. There are obviously career paths with more certainty than music so there’s an added level of pressure and responsibility on creative people who pretty much have their own little mini businesses  (in addition to writing and playing music I also have to be my own manager, booker, merchant etc..). But like I said I love all of it, I wouldn’t change anything.

Do you also have other jobs or projects that you work on?

I have other jobs that I supplement my income with. I teach vocal lessons, I teach English lessons, I do some musical production,  and I am involved in partially managing my  family business. So I am fairly busy. My biggest priority is my mobility so I try and have jobs that have a fair bit of fluidity.

What are the best parts of having a career like this

Traveling and meeting interesting people having conversations with those people. Getting to perform songs I’ve written. I love everything about what I do. 

Where do you see this going in the future?

That’s a tough one. I don’t really know. Like I said there’s a fair bit of uncertainty in what I do. Right now things have been going steadily on the incline. I am getting more and more positive attention, more show offers, etc. I think as long as things are going forward it’s safe to say that I’ll continue doing what I’m doing hopefully the scope will be a bit larger and more sustainable, but I’ll probably continue in some capacity either way.

What would be your advice to other young people who want to do something similar?

Be persistent. Be ready for anything. It’s going to really suck at times, but if you really REALLY want to do it, you’ll keep at it. Make sure there’s a degree of honesty in everything you do because people respond best when you have that level of relatability. Try to be as easy going as possible. Things will most likely NOT go the way you expect.

What are some thoughts that you have on life, some things that you have learnt or somethings that you really want to share with others?

I've travelled a great deal with my music for years. I've met people from all over and from all walks of life. What struck me the most have been the similarities and not the differences. Cultural differences are minor... every culture has its own version of whatever the other culture has. In my experience people from all over just want their own slice of life, the little differences within that slice are often negligible. I wish everyone had the means to travel all over. It would go a long way in establishing some perspective.

https://soundcloud.com/ensh

https://www.facebook.com/Milenkovujo?fref=ts

The Next 3 Days
 

 

3 is a magic number. 

In 3 days we will finally be opening CE Graz, after 2 years of working on opening in Austria its hard to believe that its actually happening. When you have working towards something for so long, you can kind of get stuck in the process, the end goal feels very far away and it seems like its going to happen one day, but that day seems far, far away. When I see the physical results of all of our thoughts and actions, it makes me realise more and more that everything is possible. It does take a lot of work and time, thought and care but it really is possible. Its been 5 years since I came from England to Serbia, 3 years since the bar in Serbia opening and now in 3 days we have the shop in Graz opening party. When I arrived from the UK at the airport in Belgrade, ready to start a new life, I could have never imagined that all of this would happen. I was speaking about this with a friend and I was saying how the life I am in now would have never been in my thoughts at all. Imagine now in 5 years time from today what we will be doing and all the possibilities that will lay before us, we cannot even imagine it.

Has it been more difficult to open the shop in Austria then in Serbia? I have to say each place had its unique struggles and stories to tell, and with this one its just the beginning. Our shop in Novi Sad will always be so special to me, mostly beause of the incredible fight that we had to put up for it. The struggles that we faced were so strong that It really made me treasure it, love it and want to keep It alive and running. The place here still needs to live its stories, it still needs to have its unique struggles, so far its been very eventful, but I am sure there is plenty more to come.

Something I was realizing was also how all the struggles and problems you face when doing what you want to do are what make sure that you really care for it. The more problems that we have, the deeper and clearer the memories are for me. I love when people ask me to tell them what I am doing with my life and I just know that the story is so long, we won’t have time for it. Or when they ask me where I am living, where is CE or how it started. So much has happened that I can never give a one sentence answer. That is how I would love for my whole life to be, so many good stories, struggles and of course lots of successes as well.

Another exciting thing is that my band will be performing in Graz two shows in the next two days. Anyone who knows me well can say that I am for sure not a talented musician, but I love to perform and play. Normally when I play in Novi Sad its really ok for me to make a lot of mistakes and to laugh about it, I guess because I know everyone and of course… how hard can it be to get a gig in your own bar (Culture Exchange). We make a lot of jokes on stage about having talked to the manager etc… A lot of the show for me has always been fun, with a little bit of seriousness… I know I cannot be totally serious with my level of skills and also the way I look at everything in life… I kind of find most things pretty funny. Something about performing in Graz in front of people that I don’t know too well, who are all musicians and talented people, made me extra nervous. I started to really panic about the shows and worry that I would be really mocked, I even had a few nightmares. My friend brought me back into reality when she reminded me that we are never doing a show for anyone but ourselves and the most important thing is to do our best.  Its really interesting, because I never compare myself with anyone and I am normally just accepting myself the way I am, but thoughts of performing really filled me with insecurity and I was looking at everyone in the band as far more talented. I relaxed when I realised that we all have a role to play. even though I am not the best at playing guitar or singing and I have not studied music. I play my role by pushing the band to doing their shows, to making stuff happen, which has always been my strongpoint. Its something which I have been thankful  for all my life, that no matter how I feel about myself or how realisitic my skills are, I seem to always push myself to do uncomfortable things or to make it happen. 

So 3 days, 3 big things happening, next post will be about how it all goes